John Terry

First we had the shit lookalike of Frank Lampard.  Now, it’s the turn of the other Chelsea man… John Terry.

Carlos Cuellar

Player of the Year.  Now he’s a dick.

Fudds

To mark the launch of the movie premiere of ‘Sex and the City’ (the movie about the 3 prostitutes and their mother), the US-based burger chain, Fuddruckers, proudly presents ‘Fudds in the City’ -

 

Jane Fonda

‘Traitor bitch’ apparently

 

Smugby

Theres a new word for you.  ‘Smugby’.  You know, like a cross between a typical rugby fan ‘n a smug cunt.

i.e. “Check oot that cunt ‘aer there!  He looks a right twat.  Wae ‘his England rugby shirt ‘n ‘his mad smug coupin’.  He looks a right cunt.  Reeks’ ae smugness.  If only a’ hid a word fur it?”

Well, despair no more.  ‘Smugby’.  There you go.  And if you need an image to go with this new word….?

 

Paddy Nakamura

Finally.  A translation of what was going through Shunsuke Nakamura’s mind when he hit that free-kick.

 

Mick Hucknall

Simply Red.  Holding Back The Beers.

 

Indian-Irish Phonecall

 

Shades

Saw a guy this morning wearing shades.  Even though the weather didn’t merit it.  So, why was he wearing shades?  Aye, that’s right.

‘Cos he was a cunt

 

Hypnotoad

Yer walking down the street.  Ye see a burd.  Ye fancy the burd.  How do you batter intae the burd?  Easy.  Hypnotoad her.  Just stare her out.  Totally stare at her.  Then make a wee “doooooofffffffffffffffff” noise.  She’ll be like putty in yer hauns

 

Paul McCartney

….makes a cup of tea.

“Dooooooooooo…..”

“One for me, and one for me worms….!”

 

Cone heid

Royal Exchange Square.  Gutted

 

Cone heid

Royal Exchange Square.  Closure

 

Bo’ Selecta – Mel B on Cribs

 

Tarzan

What’s black and white and lies at the bottom of the jungle?

Tarzan’s auld Adidas Samba

Taxi

How many black guys can you fit in a taxi?

Four. Maybe five

 

Do you like cats?

 

Bernard Righton

 

Breid

What’s the difference between a rottweiler and a pan loaf?

They’re different breeds

 

Parrot

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

 

John Denver

What weights 5lbs and won’t be plucked this Christmas?

John Denver’s guitar

 

Kermit the Fog

What did Kermit the Frog say when he got to the top of the hill?

“‘A muppet!”

 

Owl

What’s red and sits up a tree?

A sanitary owl

 

Anne Frank

What’s brown and sits in the corner of the attic?

The Diarrhea of Anne Frank

 

Casper

What’s white and brown and flies through walls?

Casper, the friendly plate of mince

 

Pikachu

How d’you get Pikachu onto a bus?

Poke ‘im on!

 

Lieutenant Uhuru

Why was Lieutenant Uhuru black?

‘Cos William Shatner

 

Mozambique

I love this flag.  The flag of Mozambique.  It cries out,  “We’ve ‘goat Kalashnikovs! ‘Moan then!”

 

Swaziland

Swaziland.  Clearly not bothered about African stereotypes.

 

Seychelles

The flag of The Seychelles.  Popular amongst the gay community.